The Road to Hell
by whenshewasgood
Summary: Angel has a really terrible idea.
1. famous last words

_Omg, it's not tcest!_

_I really wanted to write something from a character I have nothing in common with. Angel fits the bill perfectly._

_Oh, and, please imagine her at an age where her having sex isn't totally squick-worthy, which probably means this happens a few years after the series. Enjoy!  
_

* * *

All of a sudden Angel has a really terrible idea, and she clamps down on the thought before it can grow and change her body language. With the thought safely frozen, she excuses herself to the bathroom, slams the door, and thinks furiously.

Okay. It's spring. Mating season. She knows that. April had an embarrassing talk with her last February on what to expect from the guys and how to deal. And it was pretty much what she'd already learned about boys just from being a young girl who used to hang out with Purple Dragons. The main difference is, the turtles have things like honor and discipline. She's pretty sure she'd rather be locked in a small room during mating season _naked_ with one of the guys than in a big room holding a knife with a Purple Dragon who's decided he wants her. The turtle would turn around and maybe even offer her his mask. She almost giggles at the thought, and then gets her mind back on track.

Mating season. And it's really tough this year, for some reason. Sometimes it's just worse, April told her, after Leo and Donnie nearly took each other's heads off last week, scaring her half to death. And this year it's worse.

So. The idea. Angel's not a virgin, and she trusts the guys with her life. With her safety. With her… body. She could ease their suffering. She shivers at the idea, then makes herself think it through.

It would have to be all of them. Of course. That's the whole idea. Okay. She can… probably handle that. And… she'd probably have to have them keep it from each other, at least at first. There's no way she could walk into a room and say, "Hey guys! Have at me!"

She giggles again, and then checks the time. She can get away with a few more minutes in here.

She'd definitely have to keep it from April. And Casey. Hoo boy. Definitely those two. Especially Casey. If he ever finds out…

And that's when she knows she's going to do it. She's really going to do it. She thinks about that. And smiles. It's a pretty good idea. She wants to help them, release some tension and give them something they'll probably never get otherwise. Her intentions are good, so what could possibly go wrong?

_Famous last words,_ she thinks, and chooses to ignore the saying about hell and good intentions.

* * *

The first one she approaches is Mikey. He's easy going, playful, and feels like the closest to her own age.

She decided earlier that the best approach is seduction. Asking them will almost certainly result in rejection. Probably. They're honorable, but they are still boys. Truthfully, she started with Mikey because she's a little afraid of what Raphael or Leonardo will do. Well. Not _that_ kind of afraid. But still…

So. Mikey. His eyes are wide, and she steps forward to hide her trembling, shedding her shirt as she does so, leaving only her bra. Mike swallows and steps backward, bumping into her side table. She finds that funny. She's never had a guy back away from her before. She smiles.

"It's okay, Mikey," she says soothingly. "Don't be scared."

But he keeps backing away and soon he's gone, having climbed out the window. Angel stares after him, and then sits down on her bed, frowning.

* * *

After that is Donnie.

Mikey won't look at her now, but that's okay. It's not like she's going to push him. If he doesn't want to, then that's fine.

Donnie actually tries to talk her out of it. She finds that sweet, but in the end he leaves too.

* * *

Raph, then. And he actually lets her kiss him. She manages to shed a few clothes, and then he shoves her away, a little roughly, and shakes his head helplessly. She really tries, then (she's never had to _try_ before, and she's shocked to discover she doesn't really know how), but it's no use, and he leaves too.

* * *

Leo comes to her, but not for that.

His brothers have all told him what she's done, and he tries to understand, to dissuade her. She lets him speak until she is sure there's no use in trying, and then she tells him to shove off and walks out on him. She can't stand seeing another shell retreating from her.

* * *

Then April comes to talk to her, and she shuts her out, literally slamming the door in her face, more hurt than she can put into words that this has backfired so catastrophically. It had seemed so simple back there in the bathroom, so charitable. Why did they have to go and make it so complicated?

She knows then what she's going to do, and she desperately wants someone to talk her out of it. But April has left already, and her Grandma is out, and Ryan is too, and so she puts on her jacket (the short one), walks out the front door, down the street, through the alleyways and to the club. She stands for a moment across the street, looking at the flashing lights and listening to the music thumping, wishing she felt like crying. She moves to take a step forward, and then a hand is on her shoulder. She whips around, and it's Mikey, looking at her softly. The tears do come then, and he envelops her in a hug, and she lets him lead her away.

Complicated or not, they're family. And family takes care of each other.


	2. after the fall

"Why?"

I look over at Mike, who is dressed like some white kid's idea of what a gangbanger looks like. I always found it funny that even though technically their skin is so dark (dark _green_, but still) they're really a bunch of white boys under those shells. Well, except for maybe Raph. But even he's kind of a poser sometimes, even if it ain't really his fault.

I know what Mike is asking me, but it takes a while to open my mouth and say something. It ain't like I don't have an answer for him. I'm just starting to think maybe my answer ain't good enough. "I just wanted to help"? I should be saying that as I'm standing over some kitchen disaster, not after I tried to seduce four of my best friends in the whole world. The problem is that they're really more like family than friends. I mean, I have Ryan and Grandma, but Ryan's not the one who came swooping in to save me from the stupidest decision of my life, (and I'm even pretty sure he knew about it) not like I did for him. Yeah, I guess you could say I'm a little bitter about how things turned out there. I love Ryan, but he can be a huge idiot sometimes. And the guys… well, they can be idiots too, but not about the really important things.

Like this.

"It's spring," I mutter, not looking at him. The rhythm of his steps falters for a second.

"Yeah? So?"

He sounds so defensive. Maybe even a little hurt. That's not good. Man, I really messed up big time.

I decide to just say it. I don't want them to think I was just using them or something.

"So I wanted to help out," I shoot back, feeling my cheeks burn. It's kind of unfair that Mike _has_ to go around with his face covered. My skin is light enough that even if my expression doesn't change, every flush of color shows up like neon. S'why I tend to wear a lot of makeup. It ain't cause I think I'm ugly. It's just better than wearing a full face mask, or a veil. I have this uncle who's Muslim, and his daughter, my cousin, wears the veil, the full one, over her whole face. She can take it off when it's just family, so I know she's just as easy to read as me, but when she has that baby on, she looks so mysterious and put together it makes me want to convert. Mike looks over at me, but with the scarf and the glasses I can't tell what he's thinking. He looks like the invisible man when he's like this, though it never drove me this crazy before.

"I'm taking you to April," he says after a while. I scowl. Like I'm some unruly kid being taken to mommy for a scolding. I consider running away, but truthfully I'm really glad he came and stopped me from making _another_ stupid mistake, though I wonder if I like the idea that these guys are always saving my butt. I follow him to the lair, where no one looks at me straight on. I can see them checking me out, seeing if I'm all right, but the only one who acknowledges my presence is April, who takes me to a little room she says is sound-proofed.

I raise an eyebrow at that.

"Sound-proofed?"

She laughs.

"And bomb-proof, apparently. Donnie likes to be cautious."

That strikes me as funny, for some reason. We settle in to a room that might be big enough for four mutant turtles and a large rat, but only just. For two human girls it's cozy. Leo sets a few chairs in there for us, avoiding my eyes. Well, that's fine. He can just be a big diva about it if he wants. I slump down into one chair, avoiding April's eyes. Hey, no one said I couldn't be a diva too. She sits down carefully, with a grace I envy. I may be small and limber, but April has this dignity to the way she moves that I wish I had. She's probably the only white girl I've ever looked up to. I wait for the lecture to start.

"Angel, what race would you say the turtles would be? If they were human?"

I laugh, partly because I was just thinking the same thing earlier, and partly because it's so unexpected.

"White, definitely," I say. She nods thoughtfully.

"That's what I thought at first too. After a while, though, I realized they're more like half Japanese."

I think about that. Yeah. It makes sense, with Splinter coming from Japan and all. I nod, wondering where the lecture is. She goes on.

"They have this huge respect for their father, not like most teenage boys these days. Did you know… I bet they didn't mention it… Splinter actually forbade them from having sex with humans."

No, they didn't mention that. That kind of makes me mad. Not that Splinter forbade it, even if that does seem a little weird to me, though I guess I can understand. No, it's the fact that none of them said anything. I understand how they feel about Splinter, how much they respect and love him. If they'd told me Splinter had actually forbidden them from doing it, I would have respected that. April sees my scowl, and starts to explain.

"I think he did it partly just to keep them out of trouble, but he also… well… Did you ever hear the story about Tang Shen?"

Hmm… that name does ring a bell.

"Oh, yeah. That girl Master Yoshi was in love with."

She nods.

"Yeah. Well, what they don't like to mention is that Mashimi didn't just kill Tang Shen, he… raped her, too."

"Whoa. No wonder Yoshi wanted to kill him so bad."

"It also had a profound effect on Master Splinter," she explains. "He lets the guys get away with quite a lot, but the one thing he has no patience for is disrespect to women. Did you know," she says, trying not to giggle. "During my first week knowing the guys, I told a yo mama joke. A really dumb one, too, and, haha, all five of them ganged up on me and, heehee, started _lecturing_ me on how I should be more respectful to women."

That makes me giggle too. I can't really picture Raph lecturing anybody about _anything_. We laugh for a bit, and then her face gets serious again.

"So they take this whole thing very seriously. And, also Angel, I don't know if you can really comprehend yet… I mean, I can't, and I've been with them for a couple of years now… What I mean is, they grew up on TV and magazines and the internet. That's all they know of human culture. And you know what kind of message the media likes to send about women. So, they're getting that on one side, and Splinter on the other, and I think it's made them a little… weird about sex. Among other things."

"Weird? What do you mean?" That doesn't sound good. I shift in my seat, feeling a little old to be having The Talk.

"I think they have this idea that sex is evil. It's weird. They can be very Catholic for a bunch of Buddhists."

"Don't Buddhists say you shouldn't have sex either?"

"Hmm. Some Buddhists do, I think. I'm not sure. Anyway, I'm almost positive Splinter thinks sex is evil. In most cases. I haven't really asked him. But I do think the boys feel like if they have sex with a girl, under any circumstances, it would be disrespectful. I've been meaning to have a talk with them about this, actually. This might be a good opportunity." She shakes herself, like she's getting back on track. "Anyway, I'm not trying to lecture you, Angel. You're not my daughter or anything, so it's not really my place, but… we do think of you like a little sister. I think," she says, with a sly smile, "that might have been part of the problem."

I know I'm blushing, and I hate it, but part of me feels good, knowing that April thinks of me like a sister. I always wanted a sister when I was younger. Still do, I guess. I slump down in my chair, looking just like a pouty teenager, which, I'll admit, I am.

"Here's what I want to know," April says, and despite what she said, I brace myself for a lecture. "Why _all_ of them?"

She doesn't sound mad. She just sounds… curious. I shrug, wishing I were somewhere else.

"I wanted to help." Man, I hate how that sounds out loud. It sounded sooo much better in my head.

"Help?"

I do _not_ want to be having this conversation.

"You know…" I mumble. "It's mating season."

She puts her head in her hands.

"Oh, Angel, tell me you weren't trying to…"

I stand up and start pacing.

"So what if I was?" I demand. I'm tired of people telling me I was stupid to even try. "It's like you said, it's really tough for them this year. And I'm the only single girl they know, and I don't care, so why not? I didn't know Splinter actually _forbade_ them."

April looks sad, which is almost worse than disappointed. I throw myself back in my chair.

"I don't know what I did wrong," I admit in a tiny voice, sounding weaker than I ever want to sound. It's April, though, so it's probably okay. Then she does something I never expected. She opens her arms, looking for all the world like my mama back before things went down the toilet, and the little girl in me takes over before the tough girl can object, and I'm crawling up into her lap like I'm an effing five year old, bawling and sobbing and feeling like the world outside her arms is ending. I didn't know I'd miss crying on someone so much. It's a heck of a lot better than crying into your pillow, trying not to make noise. Eventually I calm down, and get the heck off her lap, and I wipe my eyes and blow my nose on a hanky she gives me. Hell, the woman even carries a handkerchief. Talk about class.

"Here's something you should know," she says slowly. I don't look at her, though her tone doesn't _sound_ like it's gonna be a lecture. "They aren't… like humans."

I snort. "I knew that."

She looks uncomfortable, for the first time since this talk began.

"No, I mean… under their shells. They're a lot more like turtles."

Oh. _Oh_. I get what she's saying. Oh. I'm not even blushing. I'm too shocked. I don't even know what a turtle dick _looks_ like.

"Oh," I say. She nods.

"I only know because, well… I help Donnie out with the medical stuff sometimes, you know, and… yeah."

Ouch. How embarrassing. I kind of hope the guy in question was unconscious for that. Of course, now I'm a little curious…

"Their tails," she says, as though reading my mind. "They have a slit in their tails, and it… comes out of there."

I try to picture that. I can't. So I just say, "Huh," like a grunt, and leave it at that. There's a slightly uncomfortable silence, and then a horrible thought strikes me.

"What do I say to them now?"

April looks at me sympathetically. Truth is, I'm scared. I know I messed things up big time, and my non-welcome to the lair earlier kind of spooked me. Do they think I'm a slut now? Because I am not a slut. People back in the hood may call me that, but I'm not. Somehow, though, knowing that the turtles might think I am is worse than every guy in New York calling me a whore. And it turns out April's right: they _are_ like my brothers. Which kind of puts a weird spin on what I almost did, even though it wouldn't have been like that. Not for me, anyway. But it also means I care _a lot_ about what they think. Maybe even more than I care about what Ryan thinks. Well, Ryan's an idiot, even if he is my brother. The guys _care_ about me. I guess… I guess that's why I thought it would be okay. There's a trust there that I've never had with anyone before, and now I'm wondering if I've gone and ruined it. The thought bothers me so much I actually ask April about it.

"No," she says firmly, "You have not ruined it." I believe her. It's not like I can tell when she's lying, like I can with Ryan (who is the worst liar in the whole world). She just says it like it's Fact, with the capital letter and everything, and so I believe her. "I think you should just tell them what you told me: that you wanted to help. Things might be a little awkward for a while, but they'll go back to normal eventually."

It's that "eventually" that makes me afraid. How long before they can look me in the eye again? Well, never, if I keep sitting around here moping. I stand up, and April does too, smiling.

"Do you want me to come with you?" she asks. The little girl in me says "Yes!" and the tough girl says, "No way," but the me in the middle thinks that it might be nice to have some backup there in such an awkward situation. I wonder if Splinter knows. I decide to think about that later.

"Yes, please," I say, and we go out into the lair together.


End file.
